Sit, Wonder & Wait

I feel like Carrie Bradshaw, as I sit at my desk, look out the window, reflect on things, think about what’s to come, and write my blog.

I’m really happy.  I’ll compare how I feel right now, to how I feel when Christmas, my favorite holiday, is a few days away.   I get all excited as I anticipate seeing friends and family, eating good food, giving and receiving gifts.   But it’s an even bigger and better feeling that I have right now.  I feel very special and that this is very unique time of my life.

For one, I’m not officially on maternity leave, but I’m working from home from this point forward and it’s such a treat.  I get up around 7AM, make coffee and breakfast, and hop to work without needing to shower or commute.   It’s a luxury and I’m digging it.   Jeff is digging it too.  He loves that the coffee is already made, even though he has to reheat it, because he rolls out of bed about 3 hours after me (he starts late, but works late),  and that I make his lunch each day.   When he didn’t have a stay-at-home wife, he would have a banana or pick at deli meat, but now he gets chicken salads and warm sandwiches with a side of grapes.   I even pick up after him and give me a napkin. Awe.

38 Weeks

As for real maternity leave, that’s something I have dreamt about since I graduated college, perhaps even since I was a teenager, when I got my first job.  I first started working as a waitress, when I was 14 years old, at the Holy Family Monastery, in the footsteps of my sister and cousins.  Shortly thereafter, I became addicted to money, and therefore, working, because of all the things it allowed me to do and buy.  Of course, I’ve taken breaks and vacations since then, but nothing comes close to as long as 3 months of maternity leave.   I’m pretty sure I’m going to love it. 

Per my doctor’s most recent request, my pace has slowed and the social calendar has evaporated.   As most of you know, I don’t do “slow” well.  The inability to relax and take it easy is a trait I picked up from my Mom.   We ladies, get restless and bored easily.  However, I’ve promised myself, that I cannot say "I’m bored" from this point forward. I need to enjoy these last few moments of boredom, freedom, quiet, and calm.  

I’m excited to meet our baby and see whom he/she looks most like. I think I’ve read enough material to qualify as a certified doula and lactation consultant, but I’m curious and scared to know what labor, birth, and breastfeeding actually feel like.  I wonder how Jeff will handle and support me through the process and how our relationship will change once we have a baby.   We’re as capable, ready and prepared as we’ll ever be, but it’s all new territory for us.  I’m nine months into this, and I still think “holy shit” I’m having a baby, when I walk by the mirror.   I’m sure, in a few weeks, I will walk around with a baby in my arms, and think, “holy crap” (notice, the future me, won’t swear), I’m a mother.  Perhaps, being a mother is so life-changing, it never stops surprising you.  

1. Baby, I hope you are blessed with our tan Italian skin and thick locks of hair!

                                               

2.  Little Rigs, I beg of you to have our sophistication, class, and that you carry the well-respected family name with it's due sense of dignity and pride!

3. And of course, Riglet, please have our love for adventure and travel! Plus, our fashion-sense would do you well. You'll see, fanny packs rule the school!

Riglet's Room is Finished

This week we finished Riglet's room. The crib was delivered and assembled. We added the final touches; such as the FLOR tiles, the dust ruffle, and some more art.

We also had to make some new accommodations for Zeke, since her litter box used to be in this room.  We bought her a more modern looking litter box that doesn't look horrendous in our living room.  Shawna and I joked that her poops are now also more modern; white and square.

We plan on having the baby sleep in our room, in a bassinet at first.  It's very cozy looking and we had to put aluminum foil down to prevent Zeke from using it as her own.

Just about two more weeks to go before we get to put all these pretty things to use.

Eek. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm ready. Jeff is too.

Racing to the Finish

All this waddling around town has got me thinking more and more about running.  I've really enjoyed the break from running, but I'll be ready to pick it up again as soon as I'm physically able.  Additionally, the fact that my New Balances and a pair of flip-flips are the only footwear that fit make me love them even more than I did before.  I'm equally impressed with my my Cannondale racer back tank that also still fits, which is surpising because my belly is peaking out of maternity shirts these days. 

Half-Marathon in Seattle, Summer 2006

Yesterday, I cancelled my registration for the NYC ING Marathon, which will take place on November 6^th.  Jeff and I qualified for the 2011 marathon by running nine qualifying races and volunteering for New York Road Runners Club, organizers of the event.  Luckily, once you qualify, which definitely takes a significant amount of effort; you can cancel/postpone for as many years as you wish.  We plan on running the marathon in 2012 and I think it’s a great post-partum goal.  After, I finished the Hartford Marathon in 2005, I said I would never run another marathon, but I think it's like child labor, you forget how hard and painful it is, and only remember the good parts.  Five years later, I remember most clearly, my Mom on the sidelines handing me a dry bandana, and my Dad hugging me at the end.  I remember it being a challenge, but nothing I couldn't do again.

Last week, I received an e-mail notification reminding me to register for the Manchester Road Race, Connecticut’s largest, which takes place Thanksgiving morning.  This year will be the 75^th Anniversary and my 21^st consecutive running of the race. For the past two years, I have qualified to start at the Under 40 Minutes gate, which is a huge advantage, because navigating around 15,000 runners and maintaining pace is by far the hardest challenge.

Hartford Marathon Relay Team, Fall 2010

Everyone (i.e. Jeff, Shawna, Mom) thinks that I won’t be able to run this year because, I will have just given birth about 2 months prior, but I have to run it. It’s in my blood.  I don’t care if I run slow, leaking pee, or need to walk at times, but there’s no way I’m not starting at the Under 40 gate and giving it my all. I told Jeff, he better enjoy the ride, because this is the only year he has a shot at beating me.  

Nothin' that an O'doul's or a Frosty Can't Fix

Jeff and I tore up the apartment on Saturday and reorganized like crazy. We dropped off a box of unused office supplies down the street, where our block party organizers were collecting school supplies for less fortunate families, we put unwanted household item items to the curb, and like magic, someone claimed them right away. Jeff cleaned up all the cables and wires, and hung the wall decals in the baby’s room. 

Okay, so let me re-phrase that, while Jeff tore up the apartment and put it back together again, I walked around directing him like a traffic cop and made snacks (mostly for myself). 

On Sunday, we rented a ZipCar and drove out to Long Island's BabiesRUs and Buy Buy Baby to pick up some additional baby supplies using our gift certificates and cash in some coins ($170.00 worth).  Conveniently, there was a Wendy’s right next door to Buy Buy Baby, which we both agreed, must be some sort of joint venture similar to the agreement between Dunkin Donuts and Baskin Robin’s. This was confirmed, as another pregnant lady and her man had the same idea we did, and sat right next to us as we took our lunch break. Trying to figure out the difference between 20 types of nipple shields and breast pump tubes is exhausting.  If you can make it through any one of these baby mega stores without getting in a fight or losing your shit, you, at the very least, deserve a Frosty.

Once we got back to our apartment, we set up the baby’s room the best we could, given the main attraction, the crib, won’t arrive for another week or so.   I think it looks great, but it’s hard to imagine what it will be like when the real-life main attraction, Little Rigs, arrives.  At this point, it’s all so conceptual.  Which I guess is a good thing, because, as I shut the door to keep Zeke, from turning the changing table into her new bed, the door locked and the knob fell off.  I couldn’t open the door and it took Jeff about 5 minutes and several tools to open it up again.   I was laughing, but I’m sure I would have been crying like a baby if there were a crying baby in there.  Jeff turned the knob around, so at least one of us will be stuck in the room with the baby, should the knob fall off again.   Obviously, we should replace the knob altogether, which I added to my “tell someone else to-do list”.

It's adult-proof!

Also, this is how I felt yesterday:

34 weeks pregnant + city + summer = Ashley’s ass kicked  

Here’s why:

It took me twice as long to get ready in the morning.  I had no clean, comfortable underwear and had to choose between a lacy thong, boy shorts that barely cover one half of one cheek or Jeff’s boxer briefs.  I had two clean work-appropriate shirts to choose from; one was ¾ length and knew I would have pit stains by the time stepped off my stoop.  The only other choice, was once cute, but is now a mid-drift baring cropped-top. I made it work, by wearing a long tank underneath. 

I thought it was going to rain, so I wore rain boots with intentions of changing into nice sandals that I keep at work. Um, well, those didn’t fit my swollen feet. Neither did the cute pair of flats I also keep there.  I wore my rubber, heat-flash-inducing boots around the office like an idiot.  The boots were wet with sweat, not rain, when I took them off.

When I went to the bathroom late in the afternoon, unbeknownst to me, as I sat down on the toilet, my shirt ties dipped into the water, which I proceeded to pee all over.  At that point I decided to take my next conference call from home, so I could wipe my brow and change into some clean clothes that fit.

At the end of the day, when I walked into the living room and Jeff saw my face, he asked, “do you want an O’Doul’s? “ What I really wanted was a margarita on the rocks, but surprisingly, O’Doul’s did the trick.   

Showered with Love & Baby Thangs

Party Loot

I sit here in awe as I re-read cards and take stock of the baby loot we’ve amassed over the past two weeks. The love, attention, and support I’ve been shown throughout my pregnancy is nothing short of amazing. I feel so lucky to have the husband, family, friends, and co-workers that I do.   For example, as I write this, Jeff is on his way to get me a milkshake from the Greek restaurant up the street (oh, what, you didn’t know Greeks are well-known for their milkshakes). 

The weekend before last my sister Shawna and cousin Michelle hosted a baby shower for me at my Mom’s house in West Hartford.   Cousins, aunts and lady friends chitchatted over a fabulous lemon-themed brunch and played non-cheesy games.  Not only did Shawna and Michelle throw me a great party, they gave us a huge amount of hand-me downs.  I’m not about talking warn-out binkies and stained bibs; these hand-me downs are pristine, expensive and necessary.  For example, thanks to them I have an automatic breast-pump (check the price tag on those bad boys), an infant carrier/car seat, a bouncer seat, an activity mat, a jumparoo (Shawna’s friend refers to this thing as the Baby-Neglecter 2000), clothes, unused pacifiers…the list goes on. We also recieved a handmade quilt, hat, chair and curtains; all from different, but extrememtly talented and loving friends and family members. 

Sue & her Mom, Marlene

And then, as if that wasn’t enough, this past weekend, my good friend Sue, hosted a NYC-based shower for me.  Sue’s a great host and goes out of her way to make sure her guests are very well attended too.  She even requires that her parents, Lee and Marlene, are present to assist with bartending, catering, and unforeseen party-related needs. 

For example, Sue and her father had to make an unexpected trip to the Bronx to pick up personalized Baby Rigby M & M’s.  Sue venturing to the Bronx is the equivalent my Mom going to the mall on a sunny day; it just doesn’t happen.  I’m sure Sue wouldn’t have made it back alive if Lee wasn’t there to protect and guide her.  Additionally, Sue was concerned I wouldn’t be able to make the four flights of stairs to her apartment and suggested that her father carry me on his back.   I considered it, but quickly declined, as I remembered the scale reading at my 32-week weigh-in just days before.  As if that wasn’t enough, Sue being so sensitive to a pregnant ladies needs in the city, in the summer, made sure I sat directly in front of the air conditioner.  I’m sure everyone else loved that.

The NYC ladies and a few special guests

It’s also important to note that one of my best friends, Kelly, came all the way from San Diego to attend this shower and hang with me for a few days in the city. My parents came to the NYC shower, even though they were at the previous one, just seven days prior.  And, my friend Vanessa, another non-New Yorker, whom I haven’t seen in months, was also in attendance.   

Here are some highlights from the cards, advice and wisdom I’ve received recently.

“I just hope it’s cute.” – Julie, my 17-year-old sister-in-law

 “I can’t wait to meet the newest Rigby & see how you guys attempt to handle this.” – Laura, my good friend from high school.  She later added, “Invest in noise-cancelling headphones”

“Don’t have just one or they might turn out like me” – Sue, my shower host, an only child

“If you ain’t right, yo’ baby ain’t gonna be right. You better be right.” – Drunk guy on my block at 8AM Friday morning

“Always ask your Ma to babysit.” – My Mom

The Virgo in Us

My maternal Grandma, known to some Rita the Great, Ma, and G-Ma, died of breast cancer June 28^th, 2007.  Her birthday was August 24^th, and she would soon be celebrating her 78^th birthday if she was still alive.  Neither she, nor I, really paid/pay attention to astrological signs, but we are both Virgos and I think we fit into the description quite nicely, actually almost scarily so.  I copied the section below, a description of a typical virgo, from http://www.myaquariusvirgo.com/:

I love the matching hair!

The Virgo woman is a highly organized, systematic and intelligent person able to discern the finer things in life through a methodical and often purposive approach. Dogmatic in character, the professional Virgo female is often described as a career woman, able to command respect and admiration from subordinates, peers and superiors alike for her professional competence.

The Virgo woman is driven by success, more often defined by the financial standing she inadvertently gets. She achieves this through sheer wit and intellect as well as her natural inquisitiveness for the truth. Being gifted with critical thinking abilities and the desirable trait of creative and imaginative thinking fueled by a sharp memory, the Virgo woman can find success in law enforcement, research, investigations, sciences, linguistics, accounting or even book-keeping.

Much like any other Virgo, the Virgo woman plays the role of the ever amiable diplomat settling disputes with uncanny proficiency and without the need for coercion or the use of means other than peaceful ones. This makes her a very significant figure in negotiation tables as well as a major player as a trusted and equally gifted business partner. Her ability to balance and harmonize personal issues with professional concerns makes her an ideal employee or even an excellent business partner.

As a person, the Virgo woman is very active and has a penchant for being a health buff. This is anchored on the perfectionism or the highly organized nature of the Virgo which strives a perfect balance and harmony of the different aspects of one's life. The Virgo woman enjoys talking, walking, and reacting albeit to the detriment of some persons who would rather stay put in one place.

She is generally a charming, witty, realistic, down-to-earth, honest, dedicated, helpful, gentle, organized, systematic, and perfectionist type of person. Out of these characteristics come the not-so-good things about the Virgo woman which includes restless, anxious, worrisome, dogmatic, cranky, irritable, and very critical. It's in her being irritable and overly critical at times that turns off most people.

The Virgo Female is also agreeable and cheerful, necessary traits to complement her unparalleled dignity and charm. She can remain loyal, truthful, straight thinker and determined to her partner in a relationship. Her devotion and reliability to a relationship is sought after by many that they are willing to wait in line to gain the trust and friendship of a Virgo woman.

Virgo woman adores men who are intelligent and well-read. So instead of bringing her expensive gifts, show her what you've got between your ears. She won't stay long with someone she can't respect so be sure to act appropriately when you're with her. If you can handle criticisms well, falling for a Virgo woman would suit you fine. After all, females in this zodiac are known to be perfectionists. Do not take this negatively however because she can bring out the best in you.

When my Grandma died, she willed her house in Old Lyme, CT to her six children.  They rented it out over the past four years and sold it at the beginning of this summer. It was the last (large) physical stamp of her presence and I know it was emotional for her children to sell it due to the symbolic importance (she struggled, but managed to keep a roof over thier head as they grew up). Luckily, they all agreed it was the best thing to do. A few weeks ago I received a check for $250.00 from my Aunt Kitty, who is the executer of my Grandma’s estate.  She sent checks to all of the grandchildren who did not receive money from Grandma for their weddings. 

In the accompanying letter, Aunt Kitty advised us to use it wisely. I thought about that for a while.  If my Grandma was alive, she would encourage me to be responsible and take care of unpaid debts. Luckily, I’m in the black, so I thought she would be okay with me spending it.

Instead of depositing the $250.00, I cashed it, put it in an envelope and kept track of how I spent it and made a mental note of why she would approve.  This is where the money went:

$10.00 – Fresh Flowers

She was an avid gardener later in life. Plus, flowers are beautiful and make people happy.

$ 23.00 – Two bottles of wine for Jeff

She loved wine and she loved Jeff. Jeff loves wine, too. Simple as that.

$96.00 – Manicure and Pedicure for myself and very close friend, Kristin Beattie.

I got my first manicure with my Grandma when I was 13 years old and I’ve basically been getting them every week since. She had beautiful hands and I still remember what they looked like. She loved Kristin, too.

$83.00 – A necklace, of an Irish Thorn, for myself, by one of my favorite jewelers, Michael Michaud.

She always wore jewelry. One St. Patrick’s Day, probably the year before she passed, she wore a vest with jewelry all over it.  She wore tons of rings, bracelets, necklaces, too.  If someone commented or complimented her, she took it off and gave it to them.  I loved that she did that…that’s so Rita.

It looks like a pussy willow

$38.00 – The first deposit of our baby’s saving account.

She managed money like nobody’s business. She was a single Mom of six and could pinch pennies better than anyone else I know. She worked very hard, saved, strategized, prioritized and did whatever it took to make sure that her family came out on top and most importantly had good values, manors and class even when they didn’t have money, which was most of the time. 

Lastly, I’ve been organizing and purging our apartment as we prepare for the arrival of Little Rigs. While cleaning out my desk, I found a USB stick, plugged it in to check its contents, and to my surprise it discovered it was all the files from my Grandma’s computer. Jeff had a made a backup when he helped her buy a new computer back in 2007.  I didn’t snoop or read anything that seemed personal or private, but I did copy two files that caught my attention. They were titled “Books I’ve Read” and “Great Movies”.  Sure enough, they were extremely detailed and organized lists of books she read and movies from 1999 to 2006. She included her thoughts on over 100 books and 30 movies. 

If she were still alive, I know she would be proud of my list-making skills and task-master personality. 

The Golden Months

We went on our final vacation before Little Rigs arrives, a few weekends ago. Jeff let me choose and book the entire trip with giving very little input.  I know he would have preferred to go to Paris or Sao Paulo, but I wanted a short flight, no crowds, a pool, a beach, and to avoid adventurous or stressful situations at all costs. Which, in a nutshell, describes Jeff’s antithesis of a vacation. 

Jeff pretending to love Florida!

Given my parameters, I decided we should go to Florida. Out of all 50 states Jeff has visited, this is his least favorite. It’s certainly not in my top 10, but its got its perks.  As we waited at the bar in Jet Blue’s Terminal 5 to board our flight to Naples, panic rushed over me. In the distance, in front of the gate door, I saw hoards of senior citizens pushing and shoving, anxiously waiting to be the first to board the plane.  When the gate attendant announced that passengers needing extra time to board the aircraft could do so, they all rushed forward.  Jeff and I hung back and looked dumbfounded at one another.   Jeff asked me, “why is it that you always like to vacation with seniors?”  Before getting defensive, I thought about some of my most recent trips...Vermont, Las Vegas, Alaska, San Diego and realized he had a point.

I thought about what he said some more on our flight and it dawned on me that pregnant ladies and old people have so much in common and it makes perfect sense that they choose to vacation in the same spots.

1.  They go to bed early

2.  They need to go to the bathroom all the time

3. They like low-impact activities like swimming and nature walks

4.  They don’t like standing for long periods of time

5. They’re body does weird things and takes on weird shapes

6.  They fart and pretend they didn’t

7.  They prefer juice to alcohol

8.  They’re particular about packing snacks and finding shade

9.  They wear elastic-waist pants

10. They need help tying or buckling their shoes

We stayed at Naples Grand Beach Resort and it was exactly what I had in mind.   This is what made it the perfect babymoon destination:

1. They had three pools, one for families, which we avoided completely, a lap pool, which was empty and I used alone every morning, and an adult pool, which we used during the day.

2. They had great desserts and ice cream bar every day from 12 – 3PM.  Just a dollar a scoop! No coupons, needed!

3. They had a long list of virgin cocktails...every pregnant ladies dream!

4. They had a beautiful and peaceful spa that offers an awesome pre-natal massage.

5. Naples, as a city, is very pretty, nice and safe but there’s little to do aside from shop and eat. It forced us to relax.

6. The beach was beautiful, clean, sandy and calm.  They had lounge chairs and umbrellas for rent, which they also set up and take down.

7. The path to the beach went through a beautiful, shaded, mangrove….nature walk, anyone? But, if you didn't feel like walking, they would drive you there on the golf cart. 

8. It’s hot and humid, but there’s central air everywhere, just like Las Vegas.

9. The breakfast buffet, albeit pricey, was one of the best I’ve experienced.  It blew Hometown Buffet, out of the water.

10. Given its their off-season, there were no crowds!

So, I’m giving the wheels on my suitcase a break for a bit, but Jeff and I are both addicted to travel, so this baby better get on board with our jet-setting ways real quick. 

Or, we’ll just leave the baby behind with the grandparents.   It’s hard to imagine, but I think they love babies even more than pregnant ladies and new parents do.

I'm glowing from a sunburn, not pregnancy